In my last entry I wrote somethings about an ex-girlfriend of mine, which might or does sound pretty awful. Rather awful and terrible in fact. I would like to apologize to all parties. I am sorry. I do not hold any resentment to any of my exes. Our lives were lived in the way they were lived. And we can do no different.
I am in no way perfect and, it seems to me, I never went out into the world to be perfect in any meaning of the word. I never meant to be anyone’s knight in shining armor. I might as well be wearing tin-foil with a pot on my head.
Just FYI to anyone reading this and thinking they want to date me: I am a human-being, I am flawed, and I have been known to fart in bed.
I also laugh at dick jokes and take long showers.
Though what I had written was rather true, I did so because of an exercise a colleague told me to try. His advice was this: Be mad as hell, even if you don’t want to be mad as hell. And that is what I did. I felt relieved and then came the feeling that I did something wrong. It was a private matter I should have kept to myself.
To make up for it, I am going to share with you something I did to an ex-girlfriend and am not at all proud of.
This is what I am not proud of: I wrote in a journal if it was at all possible to love two people at once.
And my girlfriend at the time read it. She was heartbroken. She must have felt like something the cat dragged in. I was the cat.
Did I mean what I wrote? No, not really. I believe you can love as many people as you want. But, you only really “love” one person. And love my girlfriend I did. Only her. If I had taken the time to think about what I was writing, if I meant, if I gave one thought about how she would feel if she read it, if, if, if, if, if, if, etc., I would have never done it.
She told me once she still loved her ex-boyfriend. But, it was different. And that was what I meant, too, but wrote it all wrong.
Ect.
Kurt Vonnegut-- Breakfast of Champions
We fought about my journal entry even when the fights weren’t about the journal entry. Well, I think now, I deserve it. I just thought, if I stuck around and did my damnedest to love her, she would see that there could only be one person. It turned out that wasn’t enough.
I had royally screwed the pooch. I’ve never been sorrier.
So, while what I had previously written is true, I made one huge mistake before either of those. I wanted to share that with everyone.
Love as always,
Dylan Martin
Kurt "Paparazzo Martin" Doonesbury
Am I understanding this correctly? You wrote in your journal about your girlfriend loving someone else, then your girlfriend read it, misunderstood it, and now you’re blaming yourself? Also, what was so bad about your last entry?
Maybe I shouldn’t write when I am tired. What happened was, we were on a trip to see one of her horse shows. Her ex texted (not a real word) her constantly and I asked her if she still had feelings for him. Her reply was this: I guess I will always love him in a way. I later wrote in my journal, “I never thought it was possible to love two people at once. At least I hope it is alright.” The next entry says this, though: I don’t remember when it began. How is still clear. And every moment is clearer and clearer. I love her as if it were the only thing worthwhile doing. In this blink of an eye, it is. Jennifer, I love you.
She read my journal. She said, she wanted to write me a note in it. What she did was read it from beginning to end. I had it since before we knew each other. So there were other things in there about other girls. Nothing sexual. But, it just didn’t sit well with her. She accused me of loving someone else even if we were fighting about dirty dishes. I’m apologizing for hurting her.